Written and shared by Jason Roncoroni

Unconscious biases. We all have them. We don’t know we have them. That’s the point. They come from our upbringing. They are largely influenced by our culture. If you spent a lifetime in the military, you are attuned to a military view of the world. This shapes how you perceive, interpret, and understand the world in which you live and operate. It also influences how you approach leaving the military. Unfortunately, many of these deeply held biases of military culture can adversely impact the approach and effectiveness of your transition. Let’s explore some of these unconscious biases and potential steps to address them.

Rejection - The Power of NO

We don’t handle rejection well. It comes with consequences. Many of them are significant. Think about the impact of being a non-select for a nominative opportunity, promotion, assignment location, or command. Rejections have a certain finality. In many cases, you get one shot. Any follow-on or subsequent opportunity comes with reduced probabilities. When a door closes, it shuts forever. Therefore, you do everything you can to avoid hearing the word “NO.”

If you’ve been successful in the military, you aren’t used to rejection. Hearing ‘yes’ is something to which you’ve grown accustomed. It is how you achieved your current station. Rejection may be something completely foreign to you. It makes you uncomfortable. So much so that it becomes an obstacle. It may just conjure enough self-doubt and imposter syndrome to inhibit you from taking action. You hide behind excuses, “I can’t break myself away from my important job,” “I don’t have a robust network,” or “I have to wait until I get my resume together.” Sound familiar? These are delaying actions to mitigate the risk of rejection.

Nobody likes rejection. Nobody wants to hear the word ‘no.’ That said, the world outside the military doesn’t put as much emphasis on it as we do. Successful leaders in the civilian world hear ‘no’ all the time. In fact, the most successful business leaders had to push through that rejection to find a path to success. They learned that failure isn’t a function of the situation. It is a choice. It is something you accept when you stop trying . . . or when you never start. Hearing ‘no’ is just a part of the journey.

Patience - Don’t Take Things Personally

Let’s be honest. Patience is something we don’t have. Especially when it comes to communication. We respond quickly. We act decisively. We expect others to do the same. When we don’t hear from someone after 24-48 hours, we become anxious. Maybe even a little pissed off. Active communication with immediate responses are norms in our military culture. The same is not true outside the military. It is not a lack of respect. It doesn't mean that the organization has a different set of values. It is a disparity between how we are used to communicating in the military and how people communicate outside the military.

When you have an interview or reach out to someone for a networking call, you expect an immediate - or near immediate - response. After the conversation, you start checking your email. Then a day passes. Two days. A week. You become unsettled. You grow angry. You wouldn’t tolerate this in the military. It is disrespectful. So we take it personally. In most cases, their approach to communication has nothing to do with you. They have their own communication habits that simply don’t align to your expectations.

How do you bridge the gap? Whenever you have a conversation, set a clear intention for the next conversation. Know who you will talk to and when you plan on talking. This mitigates uncertainty. If there is no clear “next step,” then create it. Ask permission to reach out to them after a month or two to follow up. You are showing them respect by asking permission, and you signal to them that the conversation will continue. This is how you validate expectations between two parties from different cultural norms for communication.

The Nature of Leader Conversations

Hiring senior leaders doesn’t follow the prototypical hiring process. You may never talk to a recruiter. You may never have a formal interview. You may be surprised with how a conversation progresses. Remember, senior leaders make up only about 7 percent of the transitioning population each year. Most of what you are told through formal transition programs and what you read on LinkedIn are focused on the other 93 percent of people in the transition process. It is just different for military leaders entering retirement.

Conversations at the senior level are not transactional. They are more strategic. In many cases, the conversations you are having are for positions that are NOT currently advertised. Think about how you would hire senior level positions in your organization. I am willing to bet that you are exploring potential hires well before the job comes available. Ideally, you have the person identified in advance of any potential vacancy. If you wait to look for jobs that are posted - chances are that you are too late.

Networking doesn’t begin and end with securing a job. The nature of conversations in the senior hiring process is to communicate your value for opportunities that align with your leadership potential and capabilities. In some cases, employers may create a position because they value what you might bring to the team. Focusing on a specific job title or role is a very limiting and reactive approach to the employment process. In order to create more freedom of maneuver, invest in the relationship. Remember, you may choose to leave that first job. Having built and expanded relationships will keep the proverbial door open for future opportunities with multiple employers.

The only way to address unconscious biases is to become aware of situations that bring out these behaviors. If you have an initial, negative reaction to something - pause. Take a breath. Challenge the assumptions you are making about yourself and others. Consider a more open minded approach. Think about how your current approach is helping or hurting you, and make the necessary adjustments. Finally, have some grace. It may take some time to change the behavior. That is totally normal. It is okay to be upset or disappointed, but the challenge is to consider how you can move forward. How you learn. How you grow.

Growth is inherently uncomfortable. Get used to it. Only by going through this can we truly transform. To find that opportunity on the other side.