Written by Jason Roncoroni, Executive Leadership and Positive Psychology Coaching MCC, MBA, MS

October 29, 2024

I want to share with you a story about a man I see walking in my neighborhood. He is an older gentleman - slightly older than me. Sometimes, I see with his wife, but most of the time, he walks alone.

His life is largely a mystery. I know he was a pilot. He flew for the navy. When he retired from the military, he became a commercial pilot. When he retired from the airlines, he moved to Florida. He purchased his retirement home in my neighborhood. He had, by all accounts, he did everything he was supposed to do. Took the right jobs. He was prudent with his money. Saved so his kids could go to college. Still has plenty of money in the bank with a blossoming retirement. Logically, he did everything right. But I never sense any gratitude, satisfaction, or happiness.

I learned a little about his personal life in the few conversations I’ve had with him when retrieving mail. I know he has two children. Both boys. One has his own business as a plumber. He never went to college. His other son became an officer in the Air Force. ROTC scholarship. Apparently, they didn’t need the college fund he prioritized throughout his life. Both of them have families of their own. I’ve never seen them visit. He described their relationship as “complicated.” He is quick to blame the military and the airlines for robbing his kids of a father.

He bought a Porsche. I’ve never seen him drive it. He keeps it under a tarp in the very back of his garage. He also installed a pool. Top of the line. Outdoor kitchen, television, sound system, and exquisite landscaping with an outdoor deck and dining area. It was an ideal layout for parties, but I never see anyone in the pool. The TV is never on. I don’t see anyone visiting for dinner outside.

Sometimes, I see him waving to kids passing by on their bikes. He stands outside the playground to watch the kids on the swings. I am struck by this metaphor for his life. Watching people experience happiness without ever really being happy. His facial expression is always the same - like that of a child who behaved all year long only to wake up on Christmas morning without any presents under the tree. He is like a ghost condemned to roam the streets to witness the life that passed him by.

He spent his whole life being prudent. Never took a risk. Now that he is ready to enjoy the magic of his life, it seems to have passed him by. He has everything he thought he wanted and nothing of value. At this point in his life, the one thing he wants is time. He invested the moments in the present for the false promise of happiness in the future. Now that his future is here, he longs for the moments that are gone forever.

I don’t pity him, but I am uncomfortable around him. He lived the life I don’t want. He lived without ever truly being alive. How I choose to live my life today will impact the relationships I hold so dear. It isn’t about the money. It isn’t about the college fund. It isn’t about retirement - because retirement may never come. I want to live today. I don’t want to be the ghost roaming my neighborhood, haunted by the life that passed me by.

So, what will you do today to experience the life you may not have tomorrow? What will you do to invest in your relationships now?